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人际关系的核心秘笈:以对方为中心

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发表于 2012/5/29 16:57:04| 收藏

[楼主]

很多人在初次与人接触时,不知道如何寻找话题,才能与对方交流得更加深入。其实这并不是问题,对于那些交际高手来说,他们之所以获得很多人的喜欢,最根本的原因在于他们掌握了一人最基本却又最核心的人际关系的处理秘笈,即:以对方为中心。

由于人类本性是关注个人利益,所以你可以猜猜,每个人最喜欢的话题是什么?当然,那就是他自己了。这真是个好消息,因为它意味着你不必成为一个天才交谈者才能使人们对你着迷,你只要记住一件事情:和他们谈关于他们的事情。

如果你和人们谈他们自己、他们的家人、他们的工作、他们的消遣以及他们所关心的事情,他们马上就会尊重你。你对他们发自内心的兴趣是对他们的欣赏。 那会提升他们的自尊心,反过来会使他们尊重你。相反,如果你太多谈论自己的事情,而不是他们的事情,情况就会截然相反。那会告诉他们,你对他们并没有什么 兴趣。这就会使他们的自尊心下降,而他们对你的尊敬也因此下降。因此,当你与人们交谈的时候,最好问那些能引导他们谈论他们自己的问题。

我用一个首写字母的缩略词,FORM,来帮助我自己记住应该问哪些问题。

“F”提醒我要问关于他们家人的问题。(英文单词family意思是家人——译者注)

例如:

“约翰,你结婚了吗?你的孩子多大了?”

“你女儿现在情况怎样了?”

“你妻子喜欢那次旅行吗?”

“你母亲的关节炎最近好点了吗?”

“O”提醒我要问他们的职业或工作。 (英文单词occupation意思是职业——译者注)

例如:

“约翰,你是干哪一行的?”

“最近工作如何?”

“我听说你最近荣升了啊!”

“你什么时候开始工作的?”

“R”提醒我要问他们喜欢哪些娱乐活动。(英文单词recreation意思是娱乐——译者注)

例如:

“约翰,你下班后一般喜欢做些什么呢?”

“你喜欢去哪里钓鱼呢?”

“我听说你是个高尔夫高手。”

“多棒的跑车啊!你喜欢吗?”

“M”提醒我要问他们,金钱与他们的梦想有什么联系。(英文单词money意思是金钱——译者注)

例如:

“我想我有一个方法能帮助你得到你一直想要的东西。”

“我知道你很喜欢旅行。如果不缺钱,你最想去咖里旅行呢?”

“如果不再需要金钱的问题,那该多好啊!”

有时候我把M当作传递一个信息,有时候则不会。我喜欢FORM这种方式,因为它给了我一些不容易忘记的谈话要点。它能帮助我引导人们去谈到他们自 己。由于我真的想知道他们的事情,所以我会仔细倾听。我们大部分人不会与别人相处,因为我们总是忙着考虑自己、谈论自己。当你开始将注意力从自己身上转移 到人们身上,你会惊奇地发现自己是多么地善于与人相处。

作为一个练习,在以后的谈话里,你要越来越少使用“我、我的”这些字眼,而要越来越多使用“你、你的”这些字眼。你会发现自己与人相处的技巧突飞猛进。

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本帖最后编辑时间发表于 2012/5/29 16:57:04

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2012/5/29 17:14:38

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2012/5/29 17:14:45

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